[COVER] Opinions

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Phoenix
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Re: [COVER] Opinions

Post by Phoenix » Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:33 pm

Thank-you Michelle. I appreciate your taking the time to make a comment. I have had someone look at the blurb and the following is the result:
This was the original offered by the collaborator:

The first killing shocks the township of Ingham, in Queensland, Australia with its brutality. Detective Senior Sergeant Arnold Ryan, who catches the case, feels it more keenly than most, for the victim had been an old friend of his. Ryan vows to get the man responsible. However, before he gets properly started in on the investigation, a second incident occurs, bearing the trademarks of the first, leaving a second old friend of Ryan’s dead.

With a serial killer on his hands, Ryan knows he must act quickly, before the man can strike again -- especially since his prime suspect has cause to hate Ryan and his friends, putting them at risk, too. Moreover, the killings threaten to expose a dark secret that the township -- and Ryan -- would rather leave buried. Should he survive any attempt on his life, Ryan must prevent that, as well, before the situation escalates beyond his control to keep the lid on.

The second is my tweaking of the first.

The brutality of the first murder shocks the township of Ingham, in Queensland, Australia. Particularly Detective Arnold Ryan, reeling from the discovery that the victim was an old friend. A second murder of yet another old friend, bearing all the hallmarks of the first, derails Ryan's progress.

Ryan must act quickly before the serial killer strikes again, especially since his prime suspect may have cause to hate Ryan and his friends, placing himself and others at risk. Moreover, the killings threaten to expose a dark secret that the township --and Ryan--would rather leave buried. Ryan must prevent the discovery of that secret at all costs, while trying to survive any attempts on his life, before the situation escalates beyond all control.

Anyone have any thoughts?

walton
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Re: [COVER] Opinions

Post by walton » Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:57 am

I agree with Michelle, although I might not have said "heaps." On second thought, yes, heaps! Heaps better. I liked the first cover, but it had not competition. Look at this, then go up to your first post. Amazing. Sometimes what it takes is to follow one direction then do the opposite. Anyway great looking cover. I did not read the blurb, no time. But just out of principle, I'd agree with Michelle on it too.
Walton

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Michelle
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Re: [COVER] Opinions

Post by Michelle » Fri Apr 27, 2018 1:15 am

Can I have a go?

A gruesome murder shocks the tiny township of Ingham, Queensland [add setting if relevant -- Ingham is surrounded by sugar cane farms. This gives a point of difference to other murder mysteries]. Detective Senior Sergeant Arnold Ryan feels it more keenly than most, for the victim had been an old friend. Ryan vows to catch the man responsible. However, before the investigation gets underway, a second incident occurs, bearing the trademarks of the first and leaving another friend of Ryan’s dead.

Now, with a serial killer on his hands, Ryan knows he must act quickly. His prime suspect has cause to hate Ryan and his friends, putting them at risk too. And the killings threaten to expose a dark secret that the township -- and Ryan -- would rather leave buried.
Michelle (Forum Moderator)

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Phoenix
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Re: [COVER] Opinions

Post by Phoenix » Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:17 pm

Your input is always welcome and I rather like your version, Michelle. Thank you.

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