[Book Blurb] Suggestions?

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Phoenix
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[Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by Phoenix » Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:54 pm

I will be the first to see if this type of request is appropriate for the forum or not. I was told my original blurb for my second novel was well below par, and not interesting enough to warrant reading further. I hold that person's opinion in high regard. I will admit that I am not a good blurb writer or able to summarise very well at all(something I found out when I was asked to write a synopsis recently). I do not care how harsh anyone is with it, I am well and truly over being sensitive about my writing. If you can spare a moment to read it and leave a suggestion I will take it all on board and thank-you for the time taken. One word I am unsure about in this context is..effect? I have looked at it a hundred times and changed it a hundred times, yet found no better alternative.

When Barry Ottoman's idyllic, solitary, lifestyle is shattered by the appearance of unwanted interlopers with a mysterious agenda and intent on harm, he must call upon his vast knowledge of Australia's northern rain-forest's flora and fauna, to effect an escape from a deadly pursuit.

Cheers,
Joe.

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danwiz
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by danwiz » Sun Oct 15, 2017 9:59 am

Temple writes amazing blurbs - I believe that he wrote the blurbs of two of my books for me. If you can contact him and ask him a favor...
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Phoenix
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by Phoenix » Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:56 pm

Thanks Dan'l. Temple offered to write my blurb some time ago, but he is flat out with his real estate business at the moment. I do not want to push him for a favour while he is so busy. He somewhat jaded with the whole Indie world at present as well. Thank-you anyway. It is what it is I suppose.
Cheers,
Joe.

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David Wake
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by David Wake » Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:57 am

When explorer Barry Ottoman's idyllic, <strike>solitary</strike>, lifestyle is shattered by the sudden appearance of <s>unwanted</s> interlopers with <s>a mysterious agenda</s> a dangerous agenda all their own <s>and intent on harm</s>, he must call upon his vast knowledge of Australia's northern rain-forest's flora and fauna to effect an escape from <s>a</s> their deadly pursuit.
Oh, strike doesn't work here. Additions underlined, bad html for additions.

You rather overdo the adverbs at the start, of course they are unwanted, 'intent on harm' seems wooly. It really needs a "Can he escape before his time runs out' or something to suggest the stakes might be higher. Also, 'And exciting thriller culminating in a devastating resolution and surprise twist' - or something.

It's short.

Someone give him a second (and third) opinion, because I'm rubbish at this myself. I'd like to post mine too.

Phoenix
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by Phoenix » Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:52 pm

Thank-you very much David, I really appreciate your time and your comments. The only correction I cannot use is the first one, as he is not an explorer. He is more like a hermit, hence the inclusion of 'solitary'. You weren't to know that of course. I very much like...sudden. That makes sense and adds to the drama. In your opinion, does the word, 'effect' fit correctly in that context? No matter how many times I look at it, it seems wrong and right at the same time. I will think about adding that extra line. It is short. I hate long blurbs with a passion, especially when they basically give away the plot. Often, after reading such a blurb, whether good or not, I will not purchase the book feeling that I have read the book already.
Cheers,
Joe.

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David Wake
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by David Wake » Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:58 am

Phoenix wrote:
Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:52 pm
Thank-you very much David, I really appreciate your time and your comments. The only correction I cannot use is the first one, as he is not an explorer. He is more like a hermit, hence the inclusion of 'solitary'. You weren't to know that of course. I very much like...sudden. That makes sense and adds to the drama. In your opinion, does the word, 'effect' fit correctly in that context? No matter how many times I look at it, it seems wrong and right at the same time. I will think about adding that extra line. It is short. I hate long blurbs with a passion, especially when they basically give away the plot. Often, after reading such a blurb, whether good or not, I will not purchase the book feeling that I have read the book already.
Cheers,
Joe.
It was to give him some identity, so a job title of some sort.

'Effect' seems wooly. "...knowledge of Australia's northern rain-forst to escape from..." would be better.

I agree about spoilers in blurbs. A problem with suggestions about mine for various people.

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David Wake
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by David Wake » Wed Oct 18, 2017 3:26 am

Here's mine for comment:-
Protest march? Political movement? Pub crawl?

History student Guy Wilson lives in the past. He and his friends re-enact the Jacobite Rebellion, reach Swarkestone Bridge, celebrate Bonnie Prince Charlie’s defeat with a few drinks and then they go home. Until one year, Guy makes a fateful decision...

In this satirical political thriller, as the unstoppable pub crawl approaches the unbreakable wall of riot police, Guy struggles against corrupt politicians, murderous security forces and his girlfriend to stop the rebellion he started.

Will any of them survive to last orders?

Phoenix
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by Phoenix » Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:07 pm

I haven't waded into this one for you David because I am fairly inept at blurbs. I can only give you an amateurs opinion?
For me, the first line has me believing he is literally living in the past, as in time travel. Is it meant that way? "Until one year..." I think that should read how ever many years later it was. ie: Until one year later...
I am not a big fan of the question at the end. That is why I didn't have it in my blurb. I always cringe when I read that sort of question in a blurb.
As I have no idea about the history to which you refer, I have no opinion on the title. I think you also need a comma after girlfriend?
Cheers,
Joe.

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David Wake
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Re: [Book Blurb] Suggestions?

Post by David Wake » Sat Oct 21, 2017 6:12 am

Wade in, because you are a reader.

He's not literally living in the past, no.

Comma, yes.

Question mark at the end, I take your point.

I hate writing blurbs too.

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